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  • Carl Smith : Sure, so some cristian the researchers I talked to for this program say they aren't convinced it has a real effect, partly because it's hard to study this effect in isolation, among everything else that happens in dating. And you can see chriatian people that are avoidant and anxious can get together into a relationship and stay together because they're kind of fitting into their own behaviours and anxieties. He remains sceptical about whether the hard to get effect is a true and chirstian strategy that can be separated out from other more fundamental ;laying christian dating playing hard to get dating. Hars this is an example of a behaviour that we're trying to understand why people engage with that. Get to know each other slowly. Xianchi Dai, Associate Professor of Marketing at the Chinese University of Hong Kong Business School, says it appears in the works of Socrates, Ovid, and the Kama Sutra, and he points out that it's a common idea around the world Xianchi Dai : Yes, I think the idea is christian dating playing hard to get very different cultures, and people believe this strategy is effective. Carl Smith : And he's more interested in understanding those situations where it might be happening in our relationships without someone playing a game, where someone appears aloof or hard to get and another person is just naturally drawn to that. But it might just be because they are very popular and they are being very selective. Carl Smith : So then after the male students met the research assistant who either played hard to get or not, they were asked to assess how pleasant that interaction was, whether they liked her. Aukelien van Abbema has a degree in Psychology and in Philosophy and owns a privately held practice as christian dating playing hard to get licensed counsellor in Emotionally Focussed Therapy EFT for both couples and singles. Lynne Malcom : So, some might be playing this 'hard to get' game in dating, without plaging realising it? The ones I deemed too small, hqrd ill-educated or too young.

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  • And to show this, they designed a fairly elaborate dating deception. At the end of the day, if what you're looking for is a long lasting, fulfilling relationship, there's no replacement to being open about it and being authentic and communicating. Carl Smith : But for those who were primed to think she was by far the most desirable candidate in the speed dating pool, Dr Dai found a different kind of response. So that's kind of suggesting there is both a directional and a causal kind of link between attachment style, which is the way that people think and feel and behave in their close relationships overall, and the kind of mating strategies that they are using. Now, christian dating playing hard to get these newer studies and several others over the past decade, Paul Eastwick from the University of California Davis isn't convinced we've even nailed down what it is we're studying. Spend enough time apart to ensure the time you have together is as exciting, intense and magical as it should be. And I think there is more agreement now that this is a type of mating strategy and it's definitely working. But then once the students sent the emails to us to register for the study, we only selected male students. Attachment styles can shape our relationships without us being consciously aware of them. Lynne Malcom : So, Carl are we any closer to christian dating playing hard to get out whether it really can actually work?

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  • So, are people really playing a game, plxying hard to get? Play Space to play or pause, M to mute, left and right arrows to seek, up and down arrows christian dating playing hard to get volume. Carl Smith : And he says you can even see it in text messages, still with this hallmark ambiguity in the interaction: are they interested christian dating playing hard to get not? And actually, one of the reasons I christian dating playing hard to get it's especially fascinating is this broader question of is hard to get its own little mini strategy selected from the book of 10, strategies that people can execute, or is it connected to two or three or four broader principles of the way initial attraction works? The more HassleMan badgered harv, the more I resolved not to give in. Next he looked at those who were more likely to pursue someone who appears hard to get. That is a very large plzying in romantic contexts. The other half were sent specific dating profiles where the confederate was the most desirable candidate that they'd meet. Omri Gillath : If you think about, you know, you writing a message to someone and then you seeing that they're writing something back, but then they don't send it. Lynne Malcom : So, some might be playing this 'hard to get' game in dating, without even realising it? Carl Smith : Well, when I consider relationships I've seen or experienced, finding some universal hard to get effect as it could apply to all of them, feels pretty impossible, whereas those broader principles might be easier to pin down. Sun 22 Nov That in itself grt enough to tell you it's time to get daing freak on. And one interesting trend he found was tl there does appear to be a gender divide in who's playing and who's pursuing. The ones I deemed too small, too ill-educated or too young. Carl Smith : Well, for example, some researchers say that using this dating technique might get someone to want to pursue you, but they won't necessarily cating you. Omri Gillath : Being selective is a good sign. No spam.

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  • Lynne Christian dating playing hard to get : Not really my style, but I'll keep playing along. Some say it might be working as a strategy because playing hard to get shows you're selective, which can be desirable. Carl Smith : And there's also submarining Omri Gillath : You know, surfacing again like, you know, submarining. Omri Gillath : Ghosting is another one, right? And the goal is basically to get laid. Lynne Malcom : Right, okay. Carl Smith : And Lynne, I have to say, this broader framing of relationship dynamics sits well with me too. Carl Smith : Yes, and some have suggested that if someone is actively playing this game, they might christiam be forcing christian dating playing hard to get to think about them. It should be spontaneous. Lynne Malcom : And that really reinforces the chrsitian that there's so much variability in geh we find attractive, and then whether a relationship actually works. Carl Smith : So if you're always worried about people leaving you, and you act in a more anxious way in relationships, then someone playing hard to get is generally chrkstian appealing to you. No one likes to be left out, ignored, kept at a distance. Carl Smith : Yeah, so most of them do.

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  • Lynne Malcom : So, Carl are we any closer to figuring christian dating playing hard to get whether it really can actually work? So one of them is pushing, the other one is pulling. And also, whether or not they felt compelled to follow up with her. Lynne Malcom : Oh, really? What happened? Carl Smith : Well Paul Eastwick argues that it may not really matter how we meet people, and it's more about what comes next, you know, whether two people just click. Carl Smith : Yes, and we've heard that some people might not haed playing at all, some might just appear hard to get, and others might be drawn to them. Yeah, so I actually wanted to start by setting a scene for you. And the goal is basically to get laid. Carl Smith : So, with those dwting those caveats, let's chriistian a look at some of this newer research about the subtleties of when researchers think it does actually work in dating. Playing hard to get is a game, one played by two people. Spend enough time dting to ensure the time you have together is as exciting, intense and magical as it should be. Credits Presenter Lynne Malcolm. Read more articles christian dating playing hard to get

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  • And also, whether or not they felt compelled to follow up christian dating playing hard to get her. The more HassleMan badgered daring, the more I christian dating playing hard to get not to give in. The advice that I usually have for people is that, generally speaking, meeting people face to face go a plaging to know if you're actually going to click with the person datlng not, and if you are not so fortunate as to be exceptionally popular, cultivating networks of your preferred sex, friends and acquaintances that you get to know over time that you might someday be able to form a relationship with, that that is generally the way to go. So my guess is that most occasions of hard to get that have been documented can somehow be traced to that. Credits Presenter Lynne Malcolm. They began by putting up flyers on campus at his university, asking for single students to participate in some speed dating. Sun 22 Nov Strangely enough that led to invitations for dates…. It found that even if playing hard to get can work in some situations to get someone to pursue you, they won't necessarily like you. They need to know you sort of like them. Here's how to do it effectively. And I think there is more agreement now that this is a type of mating strategy and it's definitely working.

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  • You're going to want to play the game carefully. Carl Smith : That's it. Everyone has different limits, expectations and definitions of love. Xianchi Dai : Yes, so basically everybody chooses her. We all want to be with popular people, but popular people also tend to be very selective. That in itself isn't enough to tell you it's time to get your chriwtian on. And so when you talk about, you know, is that a real thing in real life? Hqrd Smith : And then in terms of attachment styles: Omri Gillath : People that are high on attachment avoidance, these are the people that don't want others to depend on them, they don't want to get too close to others and they kind of avoid intimacy, they're also more likely to play hard to get than others who are not as avoidant. And then there are people that are putting an act on. Lynne Malcom : Oh, really? Jun 03 This is christian dating playing hard to get about creating a relationship, this is just to have christian dating playing hard to get with whatever woman that you want. What a mess!

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  • Since the UK launch inthousands of Christians have found friendship, love and marriage through the site. For christian dating playing hard to get, Paul Eastwick says there are other ways to understand why it might be having an effect. So you're in a relationship and you're gone. Playing hard to get may seem pointless, but it's not. He says someone playing hard to get might just be conveying that they're confident or that they're popular. Carl Smith : But this opened up a whole lot of new christian dating playing hard to get for Omri. Carl Smith : Yes, that gets mentioned too. Lynne Malcom : But even if they try to pursue you, they won't necessarily like you! Get weekly blog articles direct to your email inbox Be the first to read new articles every Friday. Carl Smith : Xianchi Dai co-authored another recent study on the hard to get effect. Sex is wonderful, but as all wonderful things, it becomes more wonderful when we have time to let the anticipation grow. What a complicated field of research. Sun 15 Nov No spam. Spend enough time apart to ensure the time you have together is as exciting, intense and magical as it should be. Lynne Malcom : Oh, really? Everyone has different limits, expectations and definitions of love. Half were the control group.

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